Breathe Again
by Amashelle
Summary: Songfic to Majandra Delfino's song 'Breathe Again.' Wanda's POV. Set shortly after Magnus sent her to the assylum. No pairings. Just Wanda and Pietro and twin angst.


It's dark and quiet in this place. This is a place without hope. Without love. Without you. This is a place full of madness and distortion and things that I can't name. Things that couldn't be names. Shouldn't be names. And I can't breathe here. I can't breathe through the loneliness.

But then the insanity breaks over me again and I can imagine you're here. You wrap your arms around me and hold me so close I can feel the rise and fall of your breath and I let it fill my lungs.

_Breathe again… I'm living on your air tonight_

Together we inhale, and the loneliness ebbs. You rock me gently, whispering quietly so the doctors won't hear you.

'I'm sorry, Wanda, I'm so sorry.'

'I know,' I whisper back. 'He never did listen to you.' But thinking of how you just stood beside him… it hurts too much, and it makes the illusion waver.

_Never knowing when you'll cut me off_

I cling to your arms, holding them in place around me. Don't leave me again. I can't handle the loneliness. It's always been the two of us. Always. Twins, though you wouldn't know it to look at us. You and me. Me and you. Never one without the other… until now.

You kiss the side of my head. 'Shh,' you whisper, 'sleep.'

But if I sleep, you'll go away again. If I sleep, I'll wake up alone. And et, I'm so tired. The crying and the dark and the loneliness has left me empty and exhausted, so I lean into you and sleep, and dream.

_You have a way… that makes it hard to sleep alone_

In the dream, we're together. We're home. Only father isn't father. He's a nice man. A stranger, but in the dream we know him better than father, and he loves us, and we play in a room filled with toys. You and me, me and you, together, and I remember happiness.

But then you leave. Father comes and takes you away.

_But just when the dream gets good you always seem to have to go_

I wake. For a few brief moments, I imagine you are still with me, but then I open my eyes, and I can't see you. I stare wildly into the darkness and find nothing. I didn't really think I would.

_Here I am, alone again_

I hate this. I hate the back-and-forth swing of my sanity. I wish father could have just killed me instead of locking me away in here. In this limbo of life and death. The circular track of my thoughts. Please, just let it end! At least then, I could move on. I could get over the anger and the frustration and the misery. There would be some conclusion to my life. Some finality.

_Waiting for the story to finally end_

The days roll by. And by and by. Sometimes you are with me, sometimes you are not. The times when you are here are the hardest and the best. Because I can pretend that you're still my twin, and that we're going through this awfulness together, but every time I look at you, I remember how you stood in the rain as I was dragged away. You wouldn't even look me in the eye that day, and I didn't call to you. I remember that day over all the others. Even the happy times, when mother was still with us and we had birthday parties and holiday feasts. The time I burned my finger on the menorah and you deliberately burned yours, too. 'Twins,' you'd said. 'Always.'

But that was long ago. Another lifetime. How long have I been in this place? How long has it been since we were twins? I can't remember. It doesn't matter.

_While the world spins around_

I didn't mean for it to happen. I just didn't want any more drugs. They make my head hurt. So when the nurse came in, I waved him away. Now I sit in the corner, and the doctors eye me warily. All I did was wave my arm, and the thin quilt on my bed flew to him, draped over his face. He tripped and broke his ankle. Father must have told them something, because they immediately knew I'd done something… unnatural. But I couldn't control it, and you aren't here to help me.

_It's out of my hands_

Wrapped in a straight jacket, I can barely breathe, let alone move. I gasp for breath, but it chokes me. I imagine it is you holding me so tightly, but I don't take comfort in your presence anymore. This ability… it's changed me, and our separation has become more than walls and space and time, because you will never be able to understand the despair I feel. Even huddled in your imaginary embrace, I feel alone.

You can't protect me from myself.

_Don't even try to understand_

'You're not real,' I whisper to the dakness.

'No.'

But you don't leave me. You cling to me as you never did when Daddy sent me here.

'I really am crazy.' I struggle to turn, to look into your face. You hug me tighter.

'You don't belong here, though. You never did. You belong with me. Twins, remember? Always.'

_And I guess it's time to tell you_

'Twins,' I agree. 'Born together,'

'Die together.'

'Not anymore, Pietro.' I'm crying now, because I don't want to let you go. And because I seenow that you let me go first. You let me go the day Father watched them drag me into this place. The day you never came after me.

_What you should already know_

Did you ever look back and think of me? Regret what happened? Did you ever miss me?

'Pietro, I…' The words won't come. Does it matter? You're only in my imagination. You already know what I'm going to say, anyway.

_You know_

I close my eyes and I will the vision to go away. I focus on making you leave, and then it is just me and the straight jacket and the darkness.

And I inhale.

_I'm better breathing on my own_

I inhale and it comes out as a guttered, shuddering sob, but I inhale without your lungs to help me. And I hate you for leaving me, and I hate myself for making you, but I breathe, and I sleep, and I dream dreams that don't have you in them.

It's just me now. Just me and this power that I can't control. But I will. I'll learn. And then I will make it so none of this ever happened. I'll show Father how much better things are without him. And then I'll show you, my brother, my twin, that I don't need your protection.

I can breathe better without you.

_All alone..._


End file.
